


Loneliness is only Love's Hologram

by 11daysofhell



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Day One, First Kiss, Love, M/M, POV First Person, POV Saeran Choi, Yooran, Yooran Week, mention of Saeyoung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 09:55:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11250726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11daysofhell/pseuds/11daysofhell
Summary: He was soft, but his body held more steadiness than anyone would've given him credit for. Like his spirit was built to protect. That's how I felt right now, protected, safe, home.His lips were moving against mine in a slow and unhurried motion, as if he were trying to lull me into a state of bliss.It was working.





	Loneliness is only Love's Hologram

**Author's Note:**

> A small Yooran one shot for Yooran week being held on tumblr @yooranweek  
> It's based of the song Hologram by Snowmine.  
> And the first time I'm posting here. I hope you enjoy it!

He was soft, but his body held more steadiness than anyone would've given him credit for. Like his spirit was built to protect. That's how I felt right now, protected, safe, home.

His lips were moving against mine in a slow and unhurried motion, as if he were trying to lull me into a state of bliss.

It was working.

My body was responding to his, our movements in sync, whether it was the soft way in which he caressed my jaw or the delicate way in which I held his waist.

I was surrendering to his touch, each moment he spent coaxing me with his gentleness melting away any desire I had to stop.

It was only when his tongue slid against my own, and I tasted the salty mix of our tears, did my mind come back to reality. A reality where this doesn't work. A reality where I can't love Yoosung Kim, and he can't love me.

He must've picked up on my sudden realisation, maybe it was the change in the rhythm of the kiss. What was once easy and comfortable now seemed heavy and intense.

A fresh batch of tears erupted from Yoosung's eyes, I tasted them on my tongue. His way of begging me to reconsider. His lips changed the way they moved, slower, but in a pleading manner. Softer, but in a crushing manner.

It was achingly sweet, and much too intense for me. Like we were sitting on a thin sheet of ice, and one wrong movement could break our peace and drown us.

I was the one who pulled away, sitting back on the couch as the tears from my earlier crying dried on my cheeks. Yoosung continued to cry silently on the couch.

“Saeran… please...” he begged. “Please just let me love you.” his voice broke and I reached out for him, holding his hand as he sobbed.

“I can’t...” I finally said once he had calmed down, his cries only shallow gasps now.

“Why not?” he asked, finally catching his breath, his nose red and his cheeks still wet with the tears he had shed.

“Can’t you see, Yoosung? I’m not worth this, I never have been and never will be.” my own voice broke.

This conversation had brought back that voice that Saeyoung had tried so hard to rid off. The voice that was convinced that I would never be anything but a pathetic excuse for a human. That I would never be able to move on. The bones in my closet would make it impossible for anyone to love me.

“I am not a good person. No matter how much I try to be one, it’ll never be enough to-” I stopped myself. I couldn't let Yoosung know about this… right? It's not because I'm still hoping that he sees something good in me. It's not. It's because he'll be hurt from the information.

 _Yeah, bullshit._ A voice sprung in my head. _You want him to love you. You want him to stick around and you want him to continue to believe that you're a good person. Because his belief is the closest thing you have to hope._

**_He is your hope._ **

I immediately blocked that voice out.

Yoosung seemed like he was waiting for me to finish talking. He sat, his knees hugged to his chest with one hand while I continued to hold onto the other.

“Everything that I do, or say. Everything that you find nice and kind about me, none of it comes naturally to me. Not like it does for you...”

_I'm not like you, Yoosung. And I don't deserve anything that you want to give me._

He stayed quiet for a while before sitting up straight and edging closer to me.

“So what?” he asked, confusing me.

He must've read my expression, because he continued.

“So what if it doesn’t come naturally to you, Saeran?” He placed a hand on my chest, and my heart started beating faster.

“It’s the fact that you try everyday that makes you a good person. The fact that you consciously make an effort to to be good. That you make a choice to be kind. I think that’s more important than anything else. That despite all the bad and horrible things you could do, you decide to be be nice and kind instead.” He finished talking, leaving me with nothing to say.

Yoosung’s hand came up to my face, caressing my cheek as his eyes shone with warmth.

“ _This_ is what makes you a good person, Saeran. Because you try. That's all you’ll ever need to do.” he said and pulled me softly towards him.

Our lips met again, chasing away any emptiness I felt. I tasted our tears again, but this time, they didn't break the tenderness. They added to it.

My heart swelled with warmth and adoration for this boy who so desperately wanted me to let him in. To show me what he saw in me. He really believed that I was a good person. He wasn't just saying these things to make me feel better.

All the years I had spent thinking I needed to be alone. All my thoughts that told me I'll never be good enough. Yoosung managed to leave them unfounded in his wake, giving me something else to hold onto.

Him.

He _was_ my hope. My hope to be a better person, my hope to be able to love, my hope to be happy. My hope that I was good enough to be loved. In that moment, Yoosung made it okay to believe that I can be better. Yoosung made it okay to believe that I could deserve him. And in that moment, I decided that I would do better. For him.

I decided to trust him.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Leave your thoughts, feedback is always welcome~  
> If you want to talk to me, I'm @11daysofhell on Tumblr.


End file.
